by Karyna McGlynn

You want tofu, come talk to me, I'm an Austin girl, I cook for you, say, how do you like the Monterrey way, a la Mexicana, rolled in cornmeal, white flesh, flash in the pan, flash in the pan,
I cook like a man, taste it, taste me, you like? Essential oils from Planet K, it's an Austin thing. It's a Southwestern Nouveau thing, I learned it at Thai Soon, the chef's a good friend of mine, I'll introduce you, he's from Argentina, or Versailles, or no, wait, Cambodia, yeah,
the chefs from Cambodia cook a killer serrano pepper pesto creme brullee.
By the way, I got connections, see
I got connections.
I eat at Z Tejas every night, you know.
We'd better get a move on, I'll go put some shoes on, no, I'll go barefoot, I can't find my Birkenstocks, 'cause I'm an Austin girl. Let's go take pictures of the "Hi, How Are You?" frog on the side of Sound Exchange, we'll be the first to do it, it'll be a short film. We can have Vallejo on the soundtrack.
Hollywood will love it, but we won't sell out, we won't sell out, it's against our religion. I'm an Austin girl, here, get a tattoo, an Atomic tattoo, what's the matter with you? Wrong scene? You an Area 52 queen? May I present my gay and lesbian Zine, it covers: The sins of religion, perks of paganism, breatharianism, the fall of McCarthyism, cartoons, gay-toons, angry post-feminist Japanese Animae toons. You'll like it, will you buy it?
Only five bucks. Say, I've got the munchies. You got the munchies? Let's mosey down the drag and eat low-fat falafels, or let's eat Jerk Chicken Wrapidos while you rant to me in Rastafarian.
So I'm a meat-eating vegetarian,
So What? I can do that, I'm an Austin girl. Let's go climb Mt. Bonnell, throw big rocks at houses, I won't get a ticket, this town takes care of me, I got my diapers changed up here when I was two, got high with my mom when I was ten,
free the hemp, fuck the helmet law, 'cause it's my head, my streets, my city. I single-handedly started South-by-Southwest, saved Barton Springs, wrote the script for Slacker, and was Whole Foods' sole customer before it was cool. Come here, I've been here in Hyde Park so long, I don't even have to pay rent anymore. You want tofu, come talk to me, I cook for you, I teach you things, I'm an Austin girl.

© 1998 Karyna McGlynn
Karyna McGlynn was on the 1998 Austin Slam Team. She will perform at Ruta Maya Coffee House during SXSW.